8^th January, 2008

I stand not fulfilling my resolutions but every effort I make brings me that much closer to me, my views of life that I thought were unique to me and my reality, buti could not be any wrong”er”. Tonight sitting in my room , my room in blessed Ludhiana, the city that makes me fall to sleep. Ok so it doesn’t make me fall asleep literally but yes it does make me wanna eat my brains out. I mean literally cry in despair, I know its not the city but the state my sojourn deemed my god damn life that makes me feel so so.. I just cant find the words to say it. Words fail me can u believe there are times when words fail my emotions. The worst part is that people feel the wrath that is not entirely aimed at them, but they get the main brunt of its burning effect that they wonder if the even did anything to deserve such a faith. My apologies go out to everyone who has been at the receiving end of it. I know those people will seldom be reading this and I guess that’s why I am apologising omn this front coz I know that I can never face you and say that I truly am sorry. My actions betray my intentions, well betray isn’t the exact word I would like to use here but my actions portray a darker image of my darker inside that becomes even sinister as I peep therough it. And the worst part is that even writing about it doesn’t make it any better. It makes it worse, something that I couldn’t believe could happen.

Moving on to brighter things gimme a sec so I can gather up my happy place. No its not me prancing around with teletubbies ( remember those weird coloured giant aliens that were just frightened my little cousin to oblivion.

Yes now that I am in a state that would be deemed otherwise to my previous condition or former self or “halo”