February, 1^st, 2008

00.54 AM

I lie awake, unable to sleep. Sleep a word that has been as alien to me for so long now that I have forgotten what is it to lie in the arms of a woman that exudes love from every contour of her body.

I sit here typig and contemplating the words of a wise yet famously immature woman that resounds in my ear just like when she said it a couple of days ago. You work so hard and toil for that one thing in life that you desire but when you get it, you take a time out and ask yourself if this is what you wanted all along. Is this it? Somehow it looked a little different than the moment I dreamt of it in my dreams

Well just yesterday I found closure on my mostest importantest part of my life till now and will rank as one of those most important turning points in my life all over. I have finally made peace with a part of my life that caused these insane sleepless nights. Nights that were lined by tears curses wishes and a bit of I don’t know what. Well atleast I have found the courage to face up my fears and stare them back and proclaim that I ca live my life without u. a life that would be not just difficult but I will try never the less.

Let me tell u some, its not all fairy tale for me now. Life sucks even more than it used to suck before. But I gotta learn somehow, right ? I ve to learn how to survive, I ve to learn how to fight when your heart desires the opposite. I ve been burnt stabbed lobotomised had my heart wrenched outa my chest. And tere is this feeling of void emptiness and ………..

I can whine all nigh long tell you (or no one) about my plight of sadness, how this world and its people wronged me but it would be all but a big waste of time. As there is no one here who’d listen and promise me and deliver me either from this time or bring back those moments that refuse to let me live. I’m stuck in a time warp that floats all those moments right in front of me. This is a pathetic plea from a desperate man. This is when the desperate man just surrenders to this big heap of emotion punishing him back into the hell hole he so wanted to get rid of and be spared from.

This is the pathetic man sign out for the night.

Au revoir